Mein bisher wichtigstes Video
I actually hate that status for those
videos when you turn on the camera and then you sit and talk and it's real and everything but you have to see from the title that this
video is really by far the most important
video I own. uploaded here on Youtube in general. I've been doing it all myself for 11 years now and I've uploaded almost 4000
videos in total and trust me it's not clickbait what's in the title here is not going to do me any good in generating views. I'm here because I turned off advertising so I don't earn a dime, I just want to let you know about something very important, talk about it, and similar to my panic attack
video from a few years ago, maybe exchange a little bit of experience and also this
video to a certain extent. point to use a little therapy, but what is it about? you see me on youtube tiktok
videos instagram stories podcast posts or maybe even some events when i'm on a stage or doing something in front of people always as a funny stupid jerk which i think from the point of view of the strangers, it is always so exterior with whom everything is fine.
I, like maybe I'm a perfect person in many eyes I think of you but I can only tell you that I'm not a good person to be honest I'm a pretty bad person please understand that I'm not doing this
video to pity because to be serious I just don't deserve it. I'm not making this
video here to vomit on my job or what I do, I'm infinitely grateful. I've often said that I've been able to do what I've been doing professionally for the last ten eleven years for a while after a while I suddenly made money off of it that I was able to finance my living off of it.
It's not about me at all, it's about something much deeper for me, and it's about me as a person who has unfortunately made a lot of mistakes, especially in the last few years, and somehow I don't know everything that I am. trying to work a little when you can see this
video here, I'm already in therapy. I had no idea during the first hours or at all and I'm trying to understand everything a bit why in many situations Luca wasn't there it could have been a few years ago but I don't think for you as a viewer I think when my friends people very close to me family sees people so they know i think what it's about but i don't want to go into every little part which was actually a very short
video here but i'll believe that really 99.9% of the people watching this don't even know what's going on because I do, look at my instagram stories, you see I make stupid jokes, you see my tiktoks, Hampel over there, we were now the days here on a cruise, it could be funny, stupid, so we did the days, there is also a vlog of all the trip. so when I am distracted when I am working somehow or when I am with my family and therefore with people who are good to me, I often suppress the fact that I am a bad person, but I am worried about you. a few key points to name why it's about me right now it's about the fact that i'm really an arrogant asshole i have narcissistic traits that i have to overcome i have often been very very stubborn behavior not only with my friends but, in general other human beings often just had a look i want to achieve i want to do my things i want to be successful i often don't give a shit about feelings i thought it was always the most important of all i have the best opinion that it should be implemented too .
I thought to myself very often, hey, if I have a problem, if I have something that bothers me, then I'll solve it myself because I didn't want to meet. like vulnerable because i didn't want my friends i wanted to be a burden to my family or i didn't know when i felt bad he always told me hey i realize it's stupid that it's somehow changed like that i don't like that that's a bit of bullshit or even if it's about pain that it's not just about deaths or any situation that existed or I have no idea if you felt disadvantaged or it doesn't matter what I always made up everything with myself.
I went to a therapist in Hamburg for a few weeks to get back at it to talk about my panic attacks at the time, which I had due to stress, these mild symptoms of exhaustion that I had at the time, but I never really opened up to him either and then at some point i just said hey that's no use here and i think i just have to do it and i realized that in the last few days and the spark has jumped that i'm now as intense as possible i would like to work on myself and not to do it for other people, but first and foremost and that shouldn't be selfish, but first and foremost really for me because I realize that I don't think I am as good with people as I often do badly.
I thought and yes, I don't want to chat much more. I just want you to be informed that if, for example, there may be a trend for fewer
videos to appear on my second channel in the coming weeks, we're relatively far along, I should think about more daily content or almost daily content, but on the main channel. once I get really close to d a time it will tend to be much less over the next few weeks but just so you know if I don't get in touch for a few days if there isn't a
video or if I only get three or four Instagram posts a year anyway so I shouldn't think I'm going to miss anyone but that's only because you know what's going on with me because it's no joke you've really grown on me over the years even if you just i have met a small fraction of you in real life it helps it is extremely easy for me when i then read my Ems and see a positive message is written every second somehow or something even if it is from strangers it helps me a lot because I E I'm doubting myself a lot and yes I just have to do some work on myself in the near future and I've been doing it intensely on myself for a few days now but stop now. also with professional help and yes, I will keep you informed as best as I can, of course I don't want to because I am going to talk about every detail, but the people close to me definitely know what is going on. and yes, i just want to let you know about it, so just one more time, i don't want any sympathy from you, i don't want to complain or blame you in any way.
I have done enough in recent years. I have never looked for fault in myself and now I think I am finally ready to work with it to bring out the best in me and become the best person I can be. a little and if we will see each other again