The One Person Oprah Couldn't Forgive | Oprah Winfrey | Goalcast
How do you pray for someone who you feel has really hurt a lot? So how easy is it to sit there with anger, toxicity, and bitterness? That is easy.
and her mother didn't have the best relationship. You left little
in Mississippi when you moved to Milwaukee, you have in your own mind where the mother should be what you wanted to live and in many cases your mother's and your father's cannot be what your ideal is? what do you think is the greatest gift you have ever given your daughter i loved her the way she loves people sounds we didn't have a strong relationship she never met me she never knew who i was the one we are watching give the universe It was really born of your love for her, right?
My mother, I remember the first night I entered that house and they told me that I
couldn't sleep with my mother and that I
couldn't sleep inside the house, it was because of the color of my skin. I don't know how I knew that. but I gave myself d I went through a real period of self-discovery because you have to find other reasons to appreciate yourself, certainly not your appearance. My grandmother was a servant, that's all she knew. and she wouldn't get a beating and then in the middle of the flogging she'd say stop crying stop crying and she'd spank me until I stopped crying and then she'd say you'd better get that pout out of your face you better put a smile on the face so that now you have to act as if a beating that simply had not happened to you I realized that the pain of not being able to express the emotion would be a huge body of pain that I ended up carrying when they separated me from my grandmother and sent me to live with my mother at the age of six.
Suddenly I landed in a place that is completely foreign to me. Do not know anyone. I don't even know my mother. I entered that space feeling completely alone and abandoned with no explanation as to why they were sending me away I remember the first night I entered that house and they told me that I could not sleep with my mother and that I could not sleep inside the house but there was a small porch 4ei before I entered the house and they put me outside just to sleep there then I realize because it was the color of my skin and my mother was staying with this very light skinned black woman who could pass for white and she instantly realized when i entered the room he didn't like it, it was because of the color of my skin.
I don't know how I knew, but I did know years later.
continues to be judged and criticized. for her appearance the new deputy news director came up to me and said that you know your hair is too long and too thick your eyes are too far apart she knows why your chin is too long and you need to do something about it I passed for a true period of self-discovery because you have to find d other reasons to appreciate yourself it's certainly not your appearance my name is
spelled opra age and if you noticed it's Harpo spelled backwards so this show that just started nationally it's going to work it's going to do it right and if it doesn't and if it doesn't I'm not defined by a program you know I think we're defined by the way we treat ourselves in the way we treat other people, you know, it would be wonderful to be, you know, acclaimed, you know the talk show host that did it, that would be wonderful, but if that doesn't happen, there are other important things in my life. da at the time i did that talk show i felt like oh i can be myself i felt like this is what i'm supposed to do and that was august 14th 1978 and that was the beginning of fulfilling the called from my mother.
He had a complicated relationship. It wasn't until I became the famous taker. I knew
was going to be something. What do you think? it's the greatest gift you've ever given your daughter i loved her the way she loves people now my mom never met me on this side she never really knew who i was and i realized i was the type as a child who was always looking for love and affection and attention and someone to say look at me and say yes you are worthy
and her mother did not have the best relationship years later they were shocked to learn that
had a half sister Patricia Lee whose existence had been kept a secret from
why didn't you want to Acknowledge what a terrible thing I did.
I gave up my daughter. You have in mind if the mother should be what you wanted your mother to be, and in many cases, your mother's and your father's cannot be what you. ideal is not correct yes because they broke when you got them there are people among us like you and me and many people in this room who are bulky we are 10 gallon people and but it is possible that we were born in families of people who have pipe capacities when you are a 10 gallon
person and you want love that you wanted on a 10 gallon level but a pipe
person that they could be giving you sincerely they are giving you their all but it doesn't fill you up because you are bigger than that but you have to realize that some people that's all they have five years later
is forced to confront her mother my mother was dying i got a call from my sister i thought it was the end so i got on a plane and i surprised my mom and she's like sitting in this little room it's like 80 degrees and she just watches tv all day i sat with my mom and i said i don't know if you're going to make it do you think you'll make it and she said i don't think you'll make it It may be and I had a conversation with her about what it felt like I started telling everyone who cared about her if they want to say goodbye they should come and say goodbye and then I left and I left knowing that this was going to be the last time The next day I had a bunch of meetings in California ifornia and I canceled all those meetings and I went back to Milwaukee because I felt that I hadn't closed it.
I wanted to make sure I said everything I wanted to say, so I went back and waited for a way to say what she wanted. say and I was praying for a way to get in and I just walked in with my iPhone and something said the voice said play some music so I started playing some music and I could see it opened it up a bit because my mom has been very closed. depressed
person and i could see that the music gave me the opportunity to say what i had to say and what i said was thank you like a girl who has a baby uneducated seventeen you get pregnant with this baby many people would have told you to give it to that baby and you didn't and I know it was difficult and I want you to know that no matter what I know you always did the best you knew how to do I thank you for being the mother that you knew how to be even though many times it was not what I thought I needed and I I want you to know that I bless you and I give you peace and I want you to go in peace and know that I love you I would tell anyone who says the things they need to say while people are still alive so that you are not one of those people who lives sorry for what you should have said to
forgive is to give up the hope that the past could be different you think to
forgive means to accept what has happened to you good is to accept that it has happened to you not to accept it it was good that it happened it is accepting what happened when I got it I think it took me to the next level of being a better
person because I don't hold grudges for anything or any situation and you shouldn't either is letting go so that the past doesn't hold you prisoner
forgiveness is like medicine medicine that can heal your pain can bring you peace and ultimately this is what we want for all of you b.p be free if i had held on to all the things that happen to be in my childhood and in my life i would not be standing here today we were taught to think that it's powerful to hold people hostage with what they did wrong and that's your power that's how you get that no i didn't forget i'm strong and i'm tough but it takes more strength to
forgive than to be vengeful and angry.
Forgiveness does not exonerate the perpetrator. It does not justify his behavior.
Forgiveness in the gift you give yourself.